All Night Long
by Slone'sTravelDreamer
Summary: Snape is called by the Dark Lord to help him with a situation.


**Disclaimer: I don't own if I did I wouldn't be working for $8.30 an hour.**

**AN: This was written for Kings Cross Station for the Time Turner Challenge and on a dare from my friend Fate there. **

**If you are not 17+ or easily offended go away all flames will be used to roast marshmallows.  
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><p>It was past midnight when Severus Snape arrived at the Malfoy Manor. He removed his cloak, dripping with the evenings rain, and dropped into the arms of the waiting Pettigrew.<p>

"What is the matter Pettigrew?" Snape hissed as he followed Pettigrew through the halls, eyeing the last of the Marauders who was white as a ghost.

Peter didn't answer, not even when they reached the great double doors of Lord Voldemort's personal chambers, he just pushed opened the door for Snape and ran like he was being chased by a herd of centaurs. Snape sighed and entered the barely lit room. It took half a minute for his eyes to adjusted to the light and when they did they widened to the size of galleons. _You better run and hide Pettigrew as I am going to kill you when I find you_/

"SEVERUS GET THIS BLASTED THING OFF OF ME!" Voldemort screamed as something, that looked remarkably like a blow up witch, bounced on top of him up making exaggerated moaning noises.

_"OH HARDER YOU BIG STRONG WIZARD!" _The doll yelled.

For several moments Snape stood dumbstruck to the floor, fighting and urge to do many things, including laugh and vomit. "My Lord how long has this been going on?" Snape asked finally with an internal sigh.

"All day, I just wanted some relief."

"My Lord if I may... why did you not take your situation in hand as it were?" Snape asked.

"I HAVE BLISTERS ON BOTH HANDS FROM "TAKING IN HAND"!"

"My Lord do you still have the packaging the witch came in?" Snape asked pinching the bridge of his nose. This was certainly not mentioned in the job description.

Voldemort pointed to the end of the bed where there was a bright pink box with a buxom and scantly dressed witch (that Snape had to do a double take as on first look thought it was Granger) looking seductive off the box. Snape picked the box up and read the back.

_Tired of taking in hand?_

_Want some companionship without any of the chit chat?_

_Want a Witch that can go all night long?_

_Then Samantha is for you!_

_She'll go all night long without the needing to call her in the morning._

_Just a quick swish and flick…Samantha will be ready for anything._

_If you don't believe me just take Samantha home and get ready for one wild night._

_WWW Sex Inc._

His lip curled.

"My Lord did she come with anything else?" Snape asked.

Voldemort pointed to the bedside table where a red bottle sat. Lifting to read the bottle Snape mentally sighed at the words stamped across the bottle.

_All Night Long Lube_

One coat and the fun will last all night

Snape squinted to read the fine print on the bottle.

_Not to be used with any of our Blow Up Witches._

"My Lord, when did you get this lube?" Snape asked.

"A month ago." Voldemort said panting.

"And the witch?" Snape asked.

"This morning in the post," Voldemort said as Samantha let out a howl.

_"You're an animal, harder!"_

Snape wondered briefly how many owls it had taken to deliver the package. "From the same company?"

"Yes."

"I believe the compounds in the lube have melted the witch to your privets," Snape said trying not to laugh as he realized exactly who the Dark Lord had bought his bedroom things from, "I need to return to Hogwarts to gather the things I need to brew the potion that will release you from the witches clutches."

"DO IT!" Voldemort yelled as Samantha howled again.

_"RIGHT THERE HARDER!"_

Snape left the room and returned to Hogwarts. The moment he walked through the Entrance Doors he spotted The Weasley Twins and a slow smirk spread across his face.

the next morning the Gryffindors crowed around the giant hourglasses wondering where in the world the extra three hundred points had come from.

"Ingenious black market business?" Dumbledore asked Snape at the professors table later that same day.

Snape's smirk deepened and said nothing. He did not think that Lord Voldemort would be going All Night Long anytime soon.


End file.
